so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
