yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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