No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
