Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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