Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize