I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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