I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
two words...techno handjob
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
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