morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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