You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
