so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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