Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
