And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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