OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
