If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
