K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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