I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
