I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
