what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
