well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
