Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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