well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
