Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
