so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize