1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
