I wish I could punch you in the face.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
