Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
