I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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