I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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