so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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