true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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