Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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