When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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