im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
