I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
