wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
