Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
