just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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