TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
