I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
