Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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