Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
