dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
