I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize