I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
