sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
