So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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