I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize