The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
