Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
