dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
