I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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