last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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