I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
