And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
