I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
