I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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