that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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