D3 body, D1 cock
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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