Cold hands, warm shart.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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