how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize