oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
