The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
