i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
