we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You've changed since you got that strap on
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize