The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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