oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
