and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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