I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
