O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
