how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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