My liver just broke up with me...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Randomize