so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
