He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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