He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You can't special order awesome
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
