i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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