Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
