Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
