How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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