so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He did a backflip because drugs
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
