I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
