your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
