I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
