.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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