Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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