**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
