Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
