evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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