i wish starbucks made bloody marys
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
