In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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