he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
