our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
