do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
