she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
