I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
