Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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