Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
