White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize