No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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