I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
