Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
