for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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