Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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