the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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