I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
