If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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