yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
